How to Act Like a Spy



James Bond was no real secret spy, acting like a member of high society while saving the world. If you really want to act like you're part of the CIA, you need to really know how to be secret. A good spy is someone who can be undetectable while being an observer and collector of information.

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Step1
Change your name, and do it often. Never tell anyone what your real name is. At the same time, you should use the same alias in the same region so people won't get confused and suspicious.


Step2
Know how to blend in with society. You need to look like the average joe on the street--someone nobody could find in a crowd.


Step3
Be a master of disguise. This includes costumes and makeup to conceal your identity. Again, any disguise must blend in with your surroundings.


Step4
Get a car that will blend in. If you have to have the laser headlights and ejector seat, fine. You're still better off with the car reading Chevrolet than Mercedes.


Step5
Trust no one. Remember that even your closest friend could become a foe. Always be on your guard.

Spying



Step1
Be observant at all times. A spy requires the same skills as a detective or journalist. You must be able to notice every small detail and listen sharply.


Step2
Know how to enter places you're not supposed to. This will involve picking locks and possibly climbing walls.


Step3
Know how to hide. The art of concealment is one of the most important tasks. You must be able to make yourself invisible and keep yourself hidden for long periods of time.


Step4
Get surveillance devices like listening bugs and mini-cameras. Plant them in places where you need to record information. Make sure they are well hidden.


Step5
Gather all the intelligence you can. Take down notes and collect pieces of information. Keep all this secure.




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How to Act Texan



Being Texan is about much more than your zip code; it's a state of mind. To truly be Texan you will have to say more than "y'all" or know where Austin is on a map. So, if you are new to the Lone Star state, or simply want others to think that you are, keep reading to find out what really makes a Texan tick.

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Step1
Talk the talk. Texans can spot a foreigner a mile away. Talk really slowly and enunciate everything. If you want to know if someone is coming over for dinner, say, "Ya'll comin' over for supper?" Texans also like similes and metaphors, so use them often.


Step2
Know at least three George Strait songs, two popular ones and one obscure one. Texans don't care about any of the other country and western singers, just George Strait.


Step3
Drive a truck. To a Texan, status means driving a Ford F150. He could care less about your Lexus.


Step4
Obey the speed limit. Texans drive slowly on surface streets. Honking and swearing will get you beat up, so just crank up the George Strait and wait your turn.


Step5
Perfect the two-finger wave. When passing an oncoming truck on a dirt road, you are expected to give the two-finger wave, so it's imperative that you learn it early on. Keeping your hand on the steering wheel, raise your pointer and middle finger and nod your head to the passerby. A full wave will get you run over.


Step6
Eat meat. There are designated spots in Texas for the veggie burger-loving, soybean-eating sissies, so unless you live in Austin, you better order a steak with a side of steak.


Step7
Start wearing a jacket when the temperature drops to 70. This is called winter in Texas, so bundle up and wait for the first and only freeze of the year. Then take the day off, because that's what true Texans do.




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