To T's you...
"Tantalise my tastebuds with your
tongue laden with treacle."
"Topless taxidermists talk about
their trophies."
"Tell me of your tiresome troubles
and I'll take the torment to Tipararee!."
"Your tentacles of tenderness take
away my trickling tears of toil."
"Twenty three tear-away Tomcats
topple over Timmy's toybox full of trains and
transformer-dolls."
"My tonsils are tickling, my tongue
is throbbing, my teeth are trembling, and my timepiece is
ticking."
"Telecom takes ten percent off toll
charges on Tuesdays and Thursdays till Thanksgiving."
"Transsexuals from Te Atatu throw
tin tacks at Transvestites from Tamaki."
"Toot on my Tuba while I tinkle your
Triangle."
"Take them tasty tomato tortillas
and throw them down the toilet!"
"Tibetan tantric Tulkus take time to
transcend the toilsomeness of our times."
"Tuck me in tightly with my Teddy
and tell me tall tales of olden times."
"Take two tablets at ten, three
tablets at twelve, thirteen tablets at two, and ten tablets at
three."
"My tears trickle tenderly telling
those who will.. to touch me."
"To tame a tortoise take two
thimbles, fill them with tuna, tie them tightly on a twig
projecting two inches from his tongue."
"My toes tickle and my tongue
twitches as I type ten words per time-interval."
"Such tremendous tumultuous terror
as tables are terrifyingly turned."
"Topless taxi-drivers talk about
their Tariffs."
"Topless typists talk about their
Tab keys."
"Two touchy Tigers tear apart tatty
Teddy-bear in tumultuous tiff."
"Tory tossers take ten times their
toll in taxes."
"They're just the type of touch
typists who tend to type that type of thing."
"Tie me tightly to the table top and
tickle my toes with your toothbrush."
"A tumult of tantalising tauntings
to my titillating temptress."
"Tickle my testicles while my toes
tap dance tenderly upon your tummy."
To C's you un-C'singly...
"Cuddle me cravingly and caress my
cute cauliflower cheeks."
"Crowds of crazy clowns carousing
and cat-calling in cream coloured corduroys in central
Christchurch."
"Colorado cowboys capture Cree chief
and coerce him to consume Cadbury Caramello Chocolate."
"Cavorting concubines caress every
crease and curve with comfort and care."
"Crazy Crustaceans eat Calamari and
Cantaloupe followed by Chocolate cheese cake."
"Cornish Coffee Cake is consumed
with Custard and Cream in Cafes in Coventry."
"Craving to caress Cecilia* with
creative carefulness and cover her with cisses." (*not her real
name)
"Come hither my consort and cover me
with your copious curves."
"Communist commissars are catalysts
for corruption and cronyism."
"Capably courageous Cecilia* copes
with copious commitments and un ceasing chores with calm
collected conscious consideration." (*not her real name)
"Careful Cecilia* comforts and
challenges celestial cultivators with calm compassionate caring."
(*not her real name)
"Compulsively clever Cecilia*
confuses and complicates clear customary communication and
constructs conversant closeness." (*not her real name)
"Chocolate the captivatingly cute
canine constantly craves copious cuddles from Cecilia* the caring
compassionate cooldude!" (*not her real name)
To a-P's you...
"Pamper my pulsating pectorals with
the pungent perfumes of Persia ."
"Pretentious poofters pontificate
profusely when presented with pernicious pandemonium."
"Peroxide possums peer passively at
the pale moon pondering of present profound portents."
"Piles of piddle and Poos pong
persistently in public places."
"Perverted Porpoises passionately
poke pregnant Platypuses ."
"In Penguin Pornography Penguins lie
prone and pout playfully."
"People with proliferating pimples
pinch them with pressure, and out pours puss, makes me prone to
puke!"
"Piedmontese paparazzi eat pizza
pies with pepperoni and pomodoro paste."
"Politically correct
Parliamentarians prefer to refer to Persons, rather than male or
female People ."
"Porcupines with prickles prick
parrots who pounce to prize away their prey of pulverised
preying-mantises."
"I promiscuously pucker my pouting
pink lips and playfully plant a patch of pure passion on your
precious person."
"Pompous pricks patronise peaceful
and precious people like present persons."
"A prophecy of pestilence, plague,
and proliferating promiscuity is prone to please preachers and
pastors and other pretentious pricks."
"Perpendicular prisms project
particles of photons parallel to planned parameters."
"Pink panthers prowl pensively
through places of ever present peril."
"Peas, and Pumpkin, with Potatoes,
and Parsnips, placed on your plate with Pork and Parsley, and a
pitcher of Portuguese Port for Ms Prendergast*." (*not her real
name)
"Pathological pranksters prey on
peaceloving people who have plenty of patience and poise."
"Pamper my pink Poodle with pollops
of perfume from the pungent petals of pansies."
"Pondering my present passionate
pre-occupation with your playfully poignant personality."
"Porcelain pots with pastel patterns
make perfect presents for paternal people."
To B-fuddle you...
"Bashful baudacious Brucie beckons
you to bask in his bountiful benevolence."
"Boisterous Bill Bloggs bounces
baseballs beside big Bertha Bottomthwaite as she bulemically
barfs baloney bagels."
"Bake bountiful batches of Boston
Buns, best eaten with butter and boysenberry jam at
breakfast."
"Boisterous ballyhoo beckons a
breakdown in Bible based benedictions."
"My baby brother bought a big box of
bobbing budgies for my birthday."
"Bountiful bollocks blast
bombastically when bonking buxom bleach blonde bikini beach
babes."
"Buddhist bhikkhus from Bodhinyanarama bow benevolently as Burmese
benefactors put boiled beetroot in their burgeoning bowls."
"Big bad bovver boy Bartholomew
Brown bashed all the Boston boys to buggery over the brothel at
the bad end of Brooklyn."
"Bombastic Bombadil buggarizes
budding Buddhists with banal banter and blatant bullshit!."
"Brucie boyishly blushes as Betty
beckons bigger and better blatant bothersome banter".
"Bashful Brucie beats his brow in
baleful broody bumbling botheration at all the beautiful babes in
his black book."
To M-press you...
"My multitudinous marvellously
magnificent mind mangling mushiness makes you malleable and
mellow to the max."
"Many mean minded minstrels make
more money from minors with melancholic manners, and
monkeys."
"Morbidly mean mothers make mashed
mushy meals making mastication mundane and munching
monotonous."
Just for the L of it...
"Lagging literature reviews
literally lack the learning latent in living a long life."
"Longing for lashings of Liquorice
Liquor and lasciviously lustful lechery with the love of your
life leads to lots of laughter."
"Long legged lusciously lithe
lesbians lunge long lustfully longing licks into large
languishing love lips."
"Lonely lepers leave laying lost
limbs and ligaments as they lope along lethargically and long for
love."
"Lots of Lamas from Lhasa love to
laugh a lot and like to live a little and let go of the long lost
life they left in the land where they lived."
"Lions and Leopards in lime coloured
leotards leap, and lope, and loll about with largesse of lewd
libidinous lasciviousness and licentious laughter."
To E's your worries...
"Enter enquiringly as the
enlightened emptiness envelopes you with everlasting equanimity
in it's exquisite entirety."
"Eternal effervescent eloquence
emanates from your endlessly embryonic extremities."
"Eagerly engorged eloquent epistle
enumerating eventually elapsed entertainingly ecstatic
E-lationship."
To W fun...
"Whenever the weekend will be
wrought with wretched work and woes always wemember that in Windy
Weird and Wacky Wellington Bwucie woves you and wipes away the
wearisomness of worries!"
"Welcome to the Wonderful World of the Windy Wellington Weird
and Wacky World Wide Web.
"Whenever weary writers are worsted
with worrisome worldly worries wrong words are written and
worthless work written-off".
I H to say this...
"Horrible horrendous hullabaloo as
here henchmen and henchpersons hound, harangue, and harass my
hearing and hamper my headway."
"Horatio the hyperactively horny
hippo huffs and hollers and hungrily hugs Hyundai
hatchbacks."
"Helen hyperventilates as I
hypnotize her with my hypnotic hypothesis, and harangue her with
horrid harebrained hegemony."
"Hilariously happy Helen heaps
heavenly heartfelt hugs upon him and holds his hands."
To falsely a-Q's you...
"Queer quacks quietly quizzically
quip quite quaint quotations."
"A quorum of quarrelsome
quartermasters questioned my querulous quest quantifiable
quotients of the quintessence of quinine."
"Quell my quantifiably queasy
quandary as I quaver in quagmire and quit my quixotic quest for
my quality quiescent quarry."
To D'stabalise you...
"A detailed description of our
daringly delightful and dashingly delinquent dinner date."
"Dismally damp drizzle drenches
dourly dictatorial departmental Directors."
"Dangerously divergent delinquents
disingenuously dominate delicately docile dorm-mates."
To S'tound you...
"A supplementary salaciously silly
and surprisingly stupid subject-line sent to surprise my
secretively sensible Spanish sweetheart."
"Silly sordid surreptitious
soliloquies slide sardonically sideways saturating your subtlest
sensibilities with the sleaziest satire."
"Salaciously sensual and secretly
silly Shy slurps seafood soup through a straw sucking strenuously
with strong stamina."
To N'tice you...
"Nine nondescript nannies nail
naughty no-smoking notices in night-clubs near nurses homes and
nunneries."
"Neurotically naughty Natasha never
needs notice nervously naive naked nerds with nobbly nees."
"Nutty nymphomaniacs necessarily
nuzzle nurturingly next to numerous novice nude nudists."
