The Chronicles of Brucenkhamen
Episode 1: Johneses on the Junk Heap!
Brucenkhamen III Pharoah of
all of the 'Peoples front of Egypt' didst one day contemplate the
might his Kingdom being Lord of all of Lower Egypt as far as the
Scud missle flies. He wast however overcome with rage when he
considered the deprivations of Johneses II Pharoah of the
'Egyptian Peoples front' didst inflict upon the peoples of Upper
Egypt.
He didst despatch by fast donkey the following message to Johneses "Come hither to meet the might of my armies and we shall fight beside the Nile to determine who is indeed Ahmose Pharoah-est of them all". Johneses in his gall didst reply by fast ass "I shall indeed a-Nile-ate your motley armies!". Disconcerted at this feeble display of humour Brucenkhamen did reply by fast women "Your joke Sphinx!" then he had compassion upon the predicament of Johneses and added "Don't think I am concerned at your having pun at my expense, if you have a joke you should chariot". This didst fill Johneses with rage he replied by fast food "I shall build a funeral pyre-amid for your armies such as Egypt has never seen!". Brucenkhamen didst return this fast food with the following inscribed "I am not a-pharoah-ed of you!"
Thus the armies did meet beside the Nile, nile upon nile of the finest soldiery in all of Egypt. Brucenkhamen didst bring with him many peoples of the sea, and many peoples of the 'Egyptian Peoples LIBeration front' (calledest Libyans). Against this great array of frothing ferocity Johneses did field mostly peoples of Egypt, grown soft by much wine and many Sunday afternoon boat trips along the Nile.
In much consternation
Johneses did insist on a place of battle with much brush, and
after having combed the lengths of the Nile for a better place of
battle Brucenkhamen did agree with reluctance.
Johneses did place, on his right, next to the banks of the Nile many shooters of arrows, next to these were some few noble charioteers. In the centre of his array were many pokers of spears, and next to these were paltry numbers motley peoples of the sea, and on his far left were countless noble charioteers arranged to protect Johneses himself.
Brucenkhamen didst place on his left some archers of the horse and some few noble charioteers opposite the shooters of arrows. Next to these were many Royal guards of Shardana and of Egypt. In the centre were many countless peoples of the sea facing the pokers of spears, and on the far right were countless noble charioteers and javilinmen of the horse proudly led by Brucenkhamen himself, opposite Johneses.
The battle did start with Johneses sending a motley group of archers of the horse to make annoyment upon the many countless peoples of the sea, while the rest of his army did lurch forward a-slow. Brucenkhamen did view the many shooters of arrows on the enemy right with much consternation so did send his archers of the horse to make annoyment upon these. He considered 'what does it profit to fight his many noble charioteers against the many noble charioteers of the enemy?' so did send the javilinmen of the horse to make annoyment on the enemy left. His army did match the enemy lurch with a counter lurch.
The lurches and counter
lurches did proceed for many divisions of time, Johneses did so
because he was stricken with the great curse of procrastination,
Brucenkhamen because Ra great God of the PIPs did desert him.
Seeing this Brucenkhamen did make many sacrifices to Ra and thus
many PIPs did befell his armies. Forthwith the Guards of Shardana
and of Egypt did take great strides and moved across the front of
the enemy armies to re-deploy in front of the shooters of arrows.
This did cause the shooters of arrows much dismay, as how would
the arrows penetrate such armour a heavy. This great manoeuvre
did expose the flank of the Guards to the charioteers of Johneses
and so many charioteers of Johneses and Brucenkhamen did make
haste to the gap a large.
Meanwhile in the centre the peoples of the sea were nearing the pokers of spears, the peoples of the sea did expose their flanks on their right because of the much brush, and thus Johneses did send his motley peoples of the sea and few noble charioteers against this flank. Seeing this Brucenkhamen did send peoples of Lib and some noble charioteers to help in this clash and counter them.
And so next to the Nile the Guards of Shardana and Egypt to grind forward under a hail of many arrows, once they reached the shooters of arrows they did slay many of these shooters. Some did fall to the enemy noble charioteers on their right before their own noble charioteers did arrive in support.
In the centre the many
peoples of the sea did clash with the pokers of spears,
Brucenkhamen did make another sacrifice to Horus great god of the
sixes and in one measure of time half of the pokers of spears did
lie usunder, and so the other half did flee.
On the far flank the many noble charioteers on both sides did watch the battle thus to ensure no waste of PIPs. Johneses did send some upstart motley peoples of the sea against the flank of some noble charioteers who strayed too close to the much brush. But alas for them the noble charioteers did turn and smite them, even the much brush did give no protection.
With the pokers of spears and the shooters of arrows in much disarray at this point the armies of Johneses II did flee the field, and so the land of Egypt is once again united under fair and just rulership.
Lessons for Johneses:
- Don't surrender the initiative, and don't let the enemy re-deploy do give the match ups that he wants.
- If the enemy has 'danger' troops ie Wb(F) who are keen to get
to grips with part of your army Sp(O), use that keenness to
out-manoeuvre the him or force him to fight where the terrain
won't favour him.
Who can Stop the Evil Brucenkhamen now? Find out in Episode II
