The Chronicles of Brucenkhamen
Episode 2: Mareeopatra makes Mincemeat!
Soon after the glorious
victory of Brucenkhamen III over the depraved Johneses - the
daughter of Johneses, Mareeopatra Queen of the desert, didst flee
Egypt and wrongly taketh many of the riches of the land of Egypt
with her. She didst take refuge with Gregarius Reebokophorus King
of all the the Bizantines, and of all the Gayzantines, and yea
verily of all the Straightzantines. She didst plot to use her
womanly wiles upon Gregarius to encourage him to champion her
cause, he was well known as a womanizer so much so that his
people didst nickname him 'Clinton'.
After Brucenkhamen's failed attempt to invade Ass-area, the Ass-arean king didst cause firefall from the heavens, the unholy two spied their opportunity. Gragarius did write to Brucenkhamen II "Listen carefully I shall Saite only once, Mareeopatra Queen of the desert dost reside under my protection. She Ptolemy how you wrongfully took Egypt from her father Johneses, if thou shalt hand the throne over to her thou shalt be spared, if not her armies shall crush thee". Brucenkhamen didst reply "Thou art in denial, the woman has wickedly weaved a web of womanly wiles upon thee, Egypt is wightfully mine and I am Ahmose Pharoahest of them all". Gregarius was enraged at this, he didst reply "I am not in de Nile, I am in de Palace, and Mareeopatra Queen of the desert is Ahmose Pharoahest of them all, beware she dost possess weapons of mass destruction, these shall aknightalate your armies!". Indignant Brucenkhamen didst reply "I see, de Nile is not just a river in Egypt, bring hither your weapons of mass destruction and we shall fight thee in the valley of the dolls, Mareeopatra is such a drag, we shall crush the armies of Mareeopatra Queen of the desert, and if the snake dost asp for mercy none shall be given".
With this, Gregarius didst
gird his loins and build a mighty fleet to transport the armies
of Mareeopatra Queen of the desert back to Egypt. He didst build
many score biremes, and many score gayremes, and yea verily many
score straightremes. Thus the armies of Mareeopatra Queen of the
desert didst sail to Egypt, and didst make haste to the valley of
the dolls where the armies of Brucenkhamen didst lie in wait.
Brucenkhamen didst select a flat and open field for battle, there wast a large clump of brush securing his left flank, and a small clump near the right, he didst deploy the armies of Peoples Liberation Front of Egypt thus; He hidest many peoples of Lib in the large brush on his left, and a few in the brush on the right. In the centre he didst place many multitudes of Peoples of the Sea, he commanded the right himself with many countless Noble charioteers and some javilinmen of the horse. On his left were the Guards of Shardana and of Egypt, some few Noble charioteers, and some archers of the horse.
Mareeopatra Queen of the desert didst deploy the armies of the Womans Refuge front of Egypt thus; On her right she didst place many countless myriads of pokers of spears of Egypt, all the spears she could spare, even a few spares, all the spears that Egypt had to spare, sparing no-one. These were stiffened with Geek mercenaries, men of Bronze, these didst march into battle singing their battle paen "Bronze have more fun...". In the centre she didst place her weapons of mass destruction, great monstrosities of battle, chariots drawn by four horses, with three crewmen, the sound of their movement was so loud it didst wake the dead, including mummy. On her right she didst place many shooters of arrows, and many archers of the horse, plus a few Hideminadaterraindastoi.
Brucenkhamen III didst
instruct his armies "If thou dost see Mareeopatra Queen of the
desert Roman around thou shoudest Ceaser forthwith, I shall force
her to marry my son to secure his succession, even though she
ain't the Marian kind".
When the Peoples of the Sea didst sea the weapons of mass destruction they were stricken with dismay, "Surely we shall be aknightilated by these monstrosities, what a knightmare!". Brucenkhamen didst comfort them and didst hatch a plan, he would refuse the centre holding back the Peoples of the Sea as bait for the weapons of mass destruction. He would make annoyment upon the pokers of spears and cut them off from the weapons of mass destruction, he would smash the enemy left quickly with his Noble charioteers and then with them turn on the flanks of the weapons on mass destruction before they reach the Peoples of the Sea.
Thus the peoples of Lib and
the archers of didst make annoyment upon the pokers of spears on
the enemy right and didst make their advance very slow. Though
men of Bronze didst advance singing their battle paen, the theme
song from Greece "You're the one that I want...Oooh, Ooh, ooh,
honey...". This didst cause the weapons of mass destruction to
hesitate in the centre. Brucenkhamen II didst lead his Noble
charioteers and javilinmen of the horse against the enemy left,
the enemy archers of the horse didst ride out to meet him. He
didst look upon the enemy shooters of arrows with such contempt,
so obviously inferior, and didst charge towards these without
hesitation. However, Noble charioteers to the right of him, and
Noble charioteers to the left of him were slain by the hail many
arrows. This didst leave Brucenkhamen much exposed, to retreat or
to close that is the question? "Cry havoc and let slip the
chariots of war!" he didst exclaim. Brucenkhamen didst charge the
shooters of arrows, his bodyguard didst recoil under the hail of
arrows, and the chariot of Brucenkhamen III was smitten
usunder...Gasp!
As Brucenkhamens right flank
didst crumble at the sight of their leader fallen, this didst
give the weapons of mass destruction much heart, and they didst
trundle forward a quick. The Peoples of the Sea were much
dismayed "What a knightmare!", indeed as the drew closer they
could see that the weapons of mass destruction were drawn by many
a knightstallion! The Noble charioteers and archers didst try to
close on the flank and rear of the weapons of mass destruction,
but alas, with Brucenkhamen gone, Ptah God of the Pipswaps didst
desert them, and they were too late. The people of Nubi didst
flee leaving Peoples of the Sea exposed to the weapons of mass
destruction, who didst smash through them.
Thus didst the armies of Brucenkhamen fall before the might of Mareeopatra Queen of the desert, Brucenkhemen didst, however, don the disguise of a travelling Postman and didst slip away without detection. The soldiers of Mareeopatra didst think he was Kevin Costner and didst give him a wide birth for making such a bad movie.
Brucenkhamen lives!
Lessons for Brucenkhamen:
- Girls can do anything.
- Girls can do anything, even play wargames.
Will Brucenkhamen Survive? Find out in Episode III
